Supporting siblings
of premature babies
in the nurseries

In this page are some suggestions for activities and ways to support your older child (ren) while your baby is in the nurseries. Individual activities and ideas are more appropriate to some ages than others and you are the best judge of what your child can do and needs. All of the following ideas are based on the belief that having a baby in the nurseries is a very stressful time for families and that other children in the family feel the pain of worry too. We need to love and nurture these precious children with activities and experiences that demonstrate our love for them. The experience of prematurity can be made easier for children when they understand what is going on and the purpose of all the activity around our fragile new babies.

Some suggestions

• Try to keep to as many routines as possible. Keep up the playgroup visits, the Kindergym, the playing with friends. You may need support to do this as it is understandable that you want to be with your ill baby as much as possible, but maintaining these 'usual' events can help to minimise your other child(ren's) anxiety at this time.
  
  
• Set aside a special time for the sibling, reading books at bedtime, singing songs in the car, telling created stories, visiting the playground, going to a movie, having a fast walk with the pram! Make time everyday to focus on the needs of the older child/sibling(s).
  
  
• Mark off on the calendar the days that baby is in hospital, view it positively and say that everyday that baby is in hospital is one day closer to baby coming home.
  
  
• Make a brag book for the sibling to take to school etc. It could contain a photo of their first cuddle with baby or baby's footprints, the hospital information book, a tiny nappy etc. It could form a morning talk. Siblings often acquire a high level knowledge of the complex machinery of the nursery environment and it can be good to provide opportunities for them to demonstrate this new knowledge and skill.
  
  
• Search out children's books that deal with having a sibling in hospital.
  
• Seek the support of family and friends to give special positives to the sibling
  • Going to the beach with a friend
    
  • Having a sleepover with a favourite friend / relative
    
  • Going shopping with Grandpa
    
  • Planting seeds with Auntie
    
  • Visiting the library
  
  
• Make use of the local library to ensure a supply of 'new' books, cassettes, videos and CD's for when you need sibling to be occupied while you express or rest.
  
  
• Borrow extra fun toys from the local toy library,
  
  
• Look with the sibling at their own baby photos. Talk about what is the same and what is different. Make a memories book for the sibling, in the same way that the nursery staff are helping to make one for the baby. (You'll need bigger pages to get sibling's footprints.)
  
  

• Help your child to choose a toy, (either new or pre-loved as they can be wrapped in plastic) to go into baby's cot.
  
  
• Surprise sibling with a toy that 'baby' has chosen, place it in the cot, next to the cot or hide it underneath.
  
  
• Place a family photo in baby's cot, or just one of the brother or sister. (Blu Tak is very useful!)
  
  
• Leave messages on the cot for the sibling from baby i.e. "I'm glad you're my big brother!" " I'm Elizabeth's baby brother". "My sister is the best!"
  
  
• Give your older child some responsibility
  • Show sibling how to check the number of nappies under the cot, and to tell you if more are needed
    
  • They could check that the toys in the cot are placed properly (that is, neatly arranged!)
    
  • They could check to make sure that you wash your hands, and help to inform staff if soap or paper near the sinks and basins have run out.
  
  
• Keep some story books, paper, pencils etc by baby's cot for the sibling. Decorate a box to keep them in.
  
  
• Have a small mat or rug handy for the siblings to sit on the floor in the nursery
  
  
• Discuss with the sibling, before the next visit, the activities, toys that he/she needs to take. Kids enjoy being involved in planning.
  
  
• Negotiate a time for their visit, i.e. 10, or 20 minutes and tell them what will happen when their time is up. e.g. "we will stay for 15 minutes and then we will go to the crèche / cafeteria for a sandwich / grandma will pick you up" etc.
  
  
• Sit in a rocking chair with sibling on your lap and read a story. Baby gets to enjoy the sound of both your voices
  
  
• Have a chart with 5 or 10 spaces on it, put a sticker in a space or draw a smiley face every time the sibling has a positive visit (ie plays/sits quietly) and then when all the spaces are filled, give them a reward (ice-cream, book, stickers, certificate, playground visit, picnic). Celebrate their achievement by telling family and staff.
  
  
• When you come in with your partner, or another adult, take turns with baby and sibling, i.e. while one is having a cuddle with baby, the other is reading or playing quietly with your older child.
  
  
• Using a diagram of the medical equipment supporting your baby, talk with the sibling about the names of the equipment and its purpose. Talk further about it when visiting and ask the staff to help with information and understanding. (I learnt a lot too!)
  
  
• If you have music played into your baby's cot, get the sibling to help choose, either in the purchase of the music or in what is played following your visit. Have a copy for the sibling so they and baby can 'learn' songs together.
  
  
• Tape your and sibling's voices when reading a book and play this to baby
  
  
• If you sew, or know someone who does, make a top for the sibling (they choose the fabric) and matching one for baby. Great for big brothers or sisters first cuddle. (Patterns for prem clothing are often available at the hospital.)
  
  

Talk with your older child about what is going on. Provide time for them to ask questions and express their feelings. My daughter when talking with a young friend whose mother was pregnant, told her friend that she was lucky as the friend's mum was going to have a 'live' baby. I hadn't realised until then that my daughter aged 4 did not see her brother as 'real'. Or even 'live'.

• Children need to be loved and loveable just for themselves, not only when they do things well
• Children need to feel they have some control in their lives
• Children need to be successful at something
• Children need a sense of belonging
• Children are helped by having people apart from their parents who care about them and support them.
• Grandparents can be a special support for children and teenagers.

And don't forget, check out if your hospital offers crèche facilities or can organise some for you. A crèche or babysitting can provide respite for the you as well as offering the sibling an opportunity to participate in more normal or usual activities.

If you have any suggestions or ideas about supporting siblings in the nursery, please write to me. The best ideas come from families who are experiencing and managing the complex issues that go with having a premature or sick baby.

Siblings

In

Baby nurseries

Love and need

Information

Nurturing

Good times and

Supportive families

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